big ol' baby

My foot hurts.
I have a bad tooth.
And my head is sick.
And I am a big freakin' baby, so I want to whine, and complain, and lay in my bed eating cake.
There, I have ranted. I feel a little better. Looks like I'm not Superwoman after all... I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping up the running habit, but I guess these old bones just aren’t what they used to be. I sprained, or pulled, or tweaked this annoying little muscle in the outside of my left foot. Bagh. Monday night I was just more wound up than I've been in a long time, so when it came time for my evening jog, I just couldn't stop moving. I kid you not, I just felt compelled by a greater force than I can explain – to keep moving. I ran for about two and a half hours, which wouldn't have done too much damage to me back in the states, but with my lackadaisical training in Japan... two days later I'm still limping like an old geezer. Ouch.
I am going to the dentist today (in like an hour) and It's fair to say that I'm pretty nervous. I have no idea if this dentist will speak English (Satomi found him/her for me) how much this is going to cost (I am putting it on my VISA - yikes!) and how much it is going to hurt (It is commonly understood that Japanese dentists just don't use anesthetics very much, even when drilling or pulling teeth.) I had a root canal just before I left home, and I think that it was done incorrectly or something. Aren’t you jealous? I may get to receive a second root canal from a foreign dentist under little or no anesthetic, still envious of my trip ?
And some nasty Japanese weed must be spawning because my allergies are off the charts. Basically, I am a big sick baby and I don't want anyone to talk to me, touch me, or bother me (except maybe my Mommy.)
All I want to do is bitch and complain and tend to my wounds. If I were an animal, they would have put a plastic cone around my head days ago.
Today was one of my "heavier" days so far as classes are concerned, so needless to say, I am plowed down. Just after class I booked my little self over the the snack shop and proceeded to do what I do best at times like this; eat my heart out. I bought a little sweet role and huge chocolate bar. The sweet roll had a short but meaningful existence, the chocolate bar may or may not last the night - it's future is undecided, but prospects are grim. Perhaps you are beginning to see why I may have bad teeth, eh? No lectures though- celery and eggplant just were not options in my current state.
As I sugar self-medicating, my inner monologue rambled on and on. "It's really just that, when you get sick and tired - you feel sick and tired. And it doesn't help that you don't have anyone to share this with right now. It doesn't help that you are an isolated foreigner on an island..." Oh crap, here comes another woe is me blog... "I just wish that I had one single person who got me. Someone who understands what it feels like to know NOTHING. If there was just one other exchange student, just one..." As if my fixation on the negative would somehow change my reality. "I'm lonely."
Today in culture class we talked about how the Japanese have been characterized as being less emotive in the direct way that we often consider healthy. That the Japanese consider a pure expression of emotion to be childish. Well, then as I said before - I am a big freaking baby. Ananlytically, in the Japanese fashion, I realize that I have a ton of really great Japanese friends who would lay down in traffic for me if need be, that Sakina (another SMC chick who is going to school in Kobe) and I will hang out soon, the JCET kids will be here before I know it... etc. But these practical facts don't alleviate the pain of being sick, hurt, scared, tired, and lonely. Only time(and as I still firmly believe) honestly expressing your emotions, can help with that.
Ok, I will seriously be just fine. I know that your knee-jerk reaction is to send me about 100 "cheer up Mo" messages, but I just want you to know that I realize; this is part of the process, this is going to get better soon, I am not alone. I got it. No worries - I just had to complain like the big ol' baby that I am.
Waaaaa.