that dreaded question

"So... What are your plans after graduation?"
Seriously, I have no fucking plan.

For four years I have been an stellar college student, Deans list, honor society, study abroad, student government, peer tutor, resident hall employee, varsity athlete, social activist, outspoken class participant, friend of many, BLAH BLAH BLAH! Basically, I am really good at "being a college student."

The problem is, "being a college student" is a temp gig, and my four year contract is rapidly nearing expiration.

Having established myself as a good student, all of my family, friends, employers, teachers, staff friends, etc., get a really excited a naive look in their eyes when they ask me that dreaded question. Ringing in my ears is the unspoken subtext, "Mo is such a great student, there is no doubt that immediately after graduation she will rise to the challenge of fully utilizing all of the skills we worked so hard to teach her over the past few years, and dazzle us with her outstanding accomplishments!"

Since the moment I set out on my own I have been PROMISING to accomplish great things. Now I'm afraid I won't deliver. I'm afraid that, finally asked to think for myself and be my own person, I'll disappoint everyone because I'm not actually as creative or special as my potential once appeared.

(Just like everyone else, I know) I'm unsure about who I am, where I am going, how I am going to get there.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll become a fully-grown, college-educated, once-ambitious adult who has screwed up so irrevocably that I won't be able to support myself; won't be able to feed myself, pay my bills, or afford my own rent. Now that is a scary, scary thought.
I haven't been sleeping well lately. Stressed. Haven't been writing either - how did I let that happen?

And, an answer to that dreaded question? I have two answers today (look for them to change erratically, irrationally, and inexplicably):

The first was a conversation between my friend Cholee and I yesterday,
Cholee: That dreaded question
Mo: (whimpering and slightly hysterical laughter) I... I... think I'll eat candy.
Cholee: (confused and feigning laughter) Eat candy? That seems like a silly pursuit.
Mo: Just think about it, back when you were a small child didn't you used to sit around and daydream for hours about a time in your adult life when no one could tell you what to do and you could go wild eating as much candy as your little heart desired? Well, that's my plan for now. Finish college, get away from those responsibilities, then eat candy. Lots of candy.
Cholee: I don't think it will be as sweet as you expect it to be.
~True That~

My second option today? Travel the world, the whole world.