femisnism: the patriarchy's "f*word"

Every now and again I really want to cut off all my hair, wear carhart work pants, flannel shirts, a sports bra, and baseball cap. There is no denying that some days, I wake up feeling like a suppressed butch. On days like this, I mildly appease my inner butch by pulling back my Shirley-temple ringlets and buying my body in an oversized coat. The butch-within is quieted but not silenced.
Where does this come from? Where does my gender identity originate? Socialization? We can't lay accredit society everything that affects my identity? Or can we?
Some days I wake up feeling so sexy, effeminate, and beautiful - like a glorious creature sent from Athena and the heavens above. I just want to polish my toenails, paint my face with shimmering tones, and wear dainty shoes, pink flowing skirts, and jewelry that sparkles with the slightest movement of my body.
In most social settings, men and women alike respond better to my inner-Athena rather than my inner-butch. And honestly, I believe that I make greater concessions to Athena than I do to Butchy. Does that make me even more of a socialized lab rat than if I would just shave my head one butchy-morning?
I wonder which of my friends and family would respond positively, negatively, based on a drastic change in my personal appearance. Would they respond differently if I got a boob job, fake tan, straight hair, and botox (yes, that means botcholism) injections to be more "feminine."
Likely, is that everyone would have an individual and unique response depending on their personality. Even more likely, is that they would all question why I felt the need to change myself. "Was my self-esteem low? Was I having a personal crisis?" they might ask.
I guess I am just fine the way I am, no crisis, no botox, no butch hair.
I am happy with who and where I am. And I think it's ood that I question and process the urges which contribute to my gender formation.
So I shall continue to live my life in a fashion that fits, as an eclectic gender compromise; a girl that goes by Mo.