where words fail me...

...my body speaks.
Three times today my eyes articulated for me the words my mouth could not have properly formed.

First: About a year ago I had an emotional falling out with a friend with whom I had been exceptionally close. Our hearts both hurt badly after the disagreement and for the past year I have regularly avoided her, as she has actively avoided me.

Today I had a few spare morning moments (I had to come to school an hour early in order to get my car in the shop - but that's an entirely different stressful $160 story!) so I decided to eat breakfast in the school caf.

I saw my old friend sitting alone and decided to take a risk. "May I join you?" I smiled. Her face slowly turned into a both fatigued and relieved looking expression, "Yeah, that would be nice." We used to live together; then we didn't speak for a year; and then today we spent an hour talking together like it was five minutes. I was so happy to speak with her, we played the catch-up game swapping stores about family and friends.

She asked me how things were with Trail... and I told her everything in one glance, "Oh wow!" Without a word exchanged she knew every moment, every kiss, every hope and joy. "You're eyes really just lit up there, Mo!" She exclaimed. And I knew that she felt genuinely happy to see my sincere happiness radiating outwardly. In that one glance, we were the same best friends in that moment that we had always been. It felt good to be understood, and it felt good to reconnect with my old friend.

Secondly: After school I met up with my co-managers for the camp I will work at this summer. The meeting was informal, social, and positive. When Jo, my friend, mentor, and boss, asked me how I was... I just looked at her with two hollowed blue eyes. Without missing a beat, "Your eyes just told me everything Mo. That tired?" She said. "Yeah. Really, really tired." I replied. I went on to share with her the burden of my recent mental/physical exhaustion, and she listened as the patient friend she has always been.

Lastly: By 8 pm my head was throbbing, my body was aching, my throat was tight and soar. I was feeling exceptionally overwhelmed by school and life, and my body was really burnt out because of this soar throat and fatigue I've been unable to shake for a two weeks now.

My eyes spoke for me again.

I called my Mom up just to ask some simple advice about medical insurance coverage stuff so that I could visit the doctor about my persistence soar throat. Without getting speaking more than two simple sentences - I burst into tears.

I held the phone away from my face, shaking, sobbing, holding my own aching body in unrest. "Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me? " My Mom's worried voice echoed. But I simply couldn't speak.

I cried, and cried, and cried until I was finished. The stress and frustration I couldn’t find words for came pouring out in this odd day's greatest non-verbal expression of me feelings.