*gimme a break*

I seriously didn't think I was going to make here, to this place, this place of contentedness. The journey was a challenging one, with many obstacles and tests of will.

The journey began about 10 hours ago, at approximately 12:30 AM when I realized suddenly... I had somehow forgotten to write my six page feminist seminar synthesis paper. How did I let that happen? "SHIT! SHIT!! SHIT!!!"

I have been so busy lately, that it seems like I have exclusively enough energy to make it through each day. It's enough that I am a full time student, but the pressure is intensified by the 40 or so hours I work/ volunteer each week. That compounded by the fact that I divide those 40 hours between three different jobs. This girl is tired. Really tired.

Last night when I realized that this paper had to be written, and that I had to be at school in less than 7 hours, I did what any reasonable person would do... I took a nap. I awoke two hours later, feeling like Hell, wanting to die and have all my homework just go away; then began outlining my report.

Well, it's 10Am in the SMU writing center and Chiaki, my appointment is late so I have a moment to blog, and I am happy to say that - (on just 2 hours sleep) the report is done, and I think it may just even be excellent. I look seriously frazzled from the process (hair lookin like a muskrat; water-rodent is the new "windswept look" I keep telling myself) and will probably need to crash later.

Walking up the stairs to school this morning, I was really focused on what I want "after graduation."

I want a day off. Or two. Every week.

I want to work forty hours-or-so a week and spend the rest of my life enjoying being myself. The cool self that I love to be, the self I am when I am not stressed and frazzled from a frightening amount of commitments.

I want to have time to go to Cholee's awesome jam party (missed that this weekend) I want to have time to eat a leisurely breakfast with Trail (instead of feeling guilty like I rudely rushed him to order even though he was offering to pay...) I want time to buy the invitation's to Angie's baby shower (haven't even bought, let alone mailed them yet) I want to have time to call my brother (who I haven't heard from in weeks). And I want to sleep in. Just one day, eight full hours, just one day, please.

That's my rant, that's my dilemma. I just need a break. But without a formal break, I will relish in the sweet moments of silent contentedness that come with small pleasures; like knowing that I wrote an awesome report, and taking twenty minutes to myself when Chiaki gets so overwhelmed that she misses an appointment - freeing one full hour of my day. :)